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indifferent i wonder


I wonder if anybody else has a friend who can smoke like one black and mild every two weeks on payday and then not smoke anything else till the following payday and brags about it?

happy 85 bucks saved n 224 cigarettes successfully not smoked so far

 as I sit here having somewot bitter morning coffee i really like the new way my coffee is btw... i relieze i haven't thought about smoking yet today n i been up awhile...im getting use to being a non smoker thank goodness a little at a time my mind is letting it go... although yesterday i smoked a pen for about a hr... its difficult relearning your life. i never even knew i was so addicted n i watched a video last night where the tabacco company's say its not addictive n quitting is easy im offended still by it as i remember shaking some and metally being exhausted from fighting cravings that i still get about 4 or 5 of a day 11 days later, i think of sitting here in my home crying over wanting a cigarette and of praying to God please help me, yes id say quitting was anything but easy....and ex smokers will tell you yrs later they still have to be on guard for craves n triggers they literally have to protect their quit...how strange n sad is that?  and those raging jerkOholics say its not addictive? i wish i understood our world better but mebbe i should be grateful i don't

indifferent 5 stages


  today is day 9 im actually feeling pretty good my anxiety is way down im starting to believe I may come outta this alive lol but ive reliezed there can be no more puffs not 2 not 9 not 1 no more puffs its all or nuffin theres no reward puffs cause its a addiction not a game I wont win if I take the puffs....I can only win by staying away n showing cigarettes im smart enough to stay away....they say when you quit smoking you have to go threw the 5 stages of grief

1). denial im fine im not addicted to smoking

2). anger why do I have to stop smoking

3). bargaining I can still smoke a little every so often

4).depression my life is over if I cant smoke

5).acceptance my new life with out smoking is good smoking hurt me and its not my friend

  now im not shrink but im telling you going threw these are real n I seem to be going  back n forth between the last 3 lol but im pretty sure a huge clue to actrually stopping is not letting 3 (bargaining) tell you, you can take a puff cause that puff can ruin your quit or make you feel like you can do it every so often n its sad I know but we cant its all or nothing with these quits...in my life depression has come and gone so take your kids or a kid for a ice cream when it comes n tell it my God is bigger than you and He chose me go back to the pit you've no place here...acceptance comes it may come a bit then go but it comes n it will come back n stay longer each time....so press threw the other stages they may come n go too but press threw don't get up this may be the last chance to stop smoking you get n remember God is Good All the time :)

sad the law of addiction

I messed with the law of addiction Friday night at work....I took a hit not a whole cigarette  (as if this justifies it n just who am I trying to conveince anyway) just a hit a yummy one I might add cause you do relieze im addicted to cigarettes all of us are who smoke we say oh I don't quit cause I like smoking or it calms me or wotever lame excuse we use when ultimately were just really addicted n when the level of it gets low in our blood we go for another fix....oh im learning a lot about smoking n wot it really is none of it do I like. so now because of that hit my brains thinking well you didn't go threw with draw again n you had some...so mebbe you can just smoke a little? lol wot a good little idiot slave I am but as I sit here trying to fight my very own brain knowing im black n rotting on the inside from 23 years of cigarettes I feel defeated n tired mebbe even worn..n heres a better question did that one hit ruin my quit?....I don't know wot to do besides wot someone I respect n love once told me..... just do the next right thing.....

happy Sunday

i really love every other sunday cause i get to go to church today which always lifts me up seeing people I love and knowing some of them love me is very nice.....the meter at this site tells me I have successfully not smoked 145 cigarettes honestly its hard n im scared but I know with Jesus, my daughters, a few good friends, love, encouragement and continually reassessing my situation I am okay on this new leg of my journey ..... im learning i don't need to know everything its enough that i know the God Who knows :)

happy let me

let me never forget 2 days ago when I was literally a crying huffing mess over 3 hidden cigarettes how I wanted n loved them n how I cried at that thought of having to get rid of them...let me hold fast to my freedom of addiction n always keep my eyes on Jesus n be eternally grateful that He Who began a good work in me is seeing it threw that when no one else is faithful Jesus always is n help me appricate this gift I have that is my life n my ablity to influence others just by the things I do, teach me I am not invisible n weather I accept it or not I am leaving a legacy.... let me decrease so you can increase please let me never forget my days as a slave to many different things so I can see the real joy in my freedom thank you for never stopping to work on me.... liza ....let me keep going no matter wots going on around me pushing on towards the prize :)

happy getting places


well I made it through work last night almost no issues at all I felt a little silly cause I paced the parking lot on my lunch just feeling myself breathing but that's got to be better than administering 2 or 3 doses of poisoning to myself right? im learning if I focus on my breathing when I want a cigarette its much easier to get threw the crave nice deep breaths that use to hurt n make me wheeze now feel natural and good. I still went outside a few times with my friends should smoking smell so good? but heres the thing I felt bad for them no matter how good it smells their slaves n killing themselves n saying exactly wot I use to I love smoking I don't wanna stop surely they are me~ scared n being controlled thank God He freed me n is showing me exactly wot smoking is I wish to always remember wot it really does n I thank God for helping me see I was mearly nicotines slave and I know  its just like pills as long as I don't take one today that's all that matters :) when I got baptized this meant enough to me to say it n it still does its 1 Peter 5;10 >>> And the God of All Grace, who called you to His Eternal Glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will Himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast <3 when that verse starts to sink in at different times in my journey I cant help but cry out Abba (Father) thank you so much for choosing me im not worthy thank you for your goodness, intelligence, faithfulness, strength n kindness n for revealing all you are through Jesus to me :) and please lift my friends n loved ones up who need these things don't leave them in the dark Amen

sad hidden


so im crying over 3 hidden cigarettes I wanted to keep... literally crying because I know if I don't get rid of them I will fail at quitting cigarettes....cigarettes are a legal drug and I am a addict, a addict whose crying over 3 hidden cigarettes she wanted to keep but understands she cant....

indifferent lozenges

 I keep praying I will wake up and this headache will be gone I mean should I really hear my cats walking? n why is it so loud? or my throat wont feel like ive swallowed sand paper I wanna feel good I guess I thought quitting id feel fabulous ~mebbe ive caught a cold? mebbe im just being dramatic? I could take one affliction but both at the same time?  its not fair im no good at being sick I take care of the sick I don't get sick... more aleeve and im definatly buying some throat lozenges, oh my wot a weird word lozenges  I need throat lozenges :( my throat hurts so bad I wanna cry great now im complaining n whining id yell at me if I had to help me~ buck up b go get those lozenges take the aleeve and go for a walk....and its silly really but im nervous tonights my second night at work as a non smoker wots my plan? cause apparently you need a plan for relearning your life when your a non smoker you don't just live it you must relearn it so wot will I do at work? I better go pray

indifferent whys it so weird


whys it so weird not being a smoker? shouldn't birds be singing n me n my daughters be frolicking in a flower field? oh wait id probably find a flower to abuse sumhow n then need Jesus to break that addiction too :/  I dunno its weird not smoking mebbe cigarettes were my friends like someone @ 1800whyyousocrazy said.....shhh I wanna smoke ~ I have to refocus... ive made it threw wot they (whoever they are) says is the hardest part which is the first 72 hrs you've stopped. a lady at family dollar this afternoon said... honey, you can do it I did 8 months ago~ I still want one every so often but, we were made for more than killing ourselves n winked at me ...shhh I wanted to slap her :) why did I ever do this to myself at 16? how come no one told me to stop? n why does my flesh die so violently n with such resistance? uhhh im going for a nap cause on top of every thing my throat is killing me n my head feels like it may explode...Lord please give me a good attitude threw this n teach me to be the new liza

happy my worth?


my worth is not in smoking..... the Bible says i am chosen and Holy, dearly loved, i was picked by God Himself to be a sister of Jesus n daughter of God ive been adopted into His family, i am the righteousness  of God in Christ, i am the head not the tail, i am above only not beneath, everything i touch prospers, i have been freed of all things.... oh there's tons of other wonderful things God Himself says about me perhaps the most important is ...i am more than a conqueror threw Him Who loves me... wot does it mean to be more than a conqueror? well id guess n i bet im not to far off that before i even knew i was gonna be in this or any other battle i had it beat the victory was mine :)  because Christ conquered the whole world...all of these things are really in the Bible btw... don't believe me do some research n see wot the King of all Kings says about us ;) even though i may not see or believe it thank God for Jesus n that He did n does. the Bible also says... I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me....<3

happy the way i see it

Well my mom moods have been crazy, she happy then ready to get in a fight the next min. I love my mommy and i'm really happy she's trying to stop and its only gonna be awhile with the mood swings and cravings and then she will be over smoking and I wont have be upset when the commercial about people smoking and what smoking has done to  them ~Mariah ~

indifferent hmmmmm


so I read somewhere.... throw your cigarettes away heck not only throw them away break them first :/ well who am I to argue? so my youngest daughter n I just opened 8 packs of cigarettes I was gonna give to a girl at work (im hoping I wasn't just saying that to keep them) broke them n threw them and the ashtrays away hmmm im not feeling so proud mebbe just dumb for throwing all that money away?  oh well either way its done and my 11 yr old seemed to enjoy it and who am I to argue with a professional?  mebbe that was the smart thing to do... show those cigarettes they aren't even worth giving away, heck the garbage was even too good for them so their lucky that's all I gave em ........ n in the time I wrote this I overcame another craving ahaaaaa thank you Jesus :)

indifferent changing my routine


well here I am into my 49th hr smoke free n my back is killing me n uhhhh im coughing up some pretty gross brown stuff, I was pretty sick last night but I feel better this am besides my back hurting which is from my job, im a stna in a nursing home I have been  almost foreva, its a ok job that pays the bills but kills the back n knees lol....so anyway I am learning that I have to change some behavior to make my cravings less like changing my coffee ive always loved really sweet coffee n of course I drink coffee n smoke cigarettes so ive stopped adding sugar to my coffee but kept the fancy creamer as to not spark a trigger :) also ive changed the location of my laptop slightly since its coffee, online games n smoking that go hand and hand :) I actually feel pretty good mebbe it really was my time to quit cause my cravings haven't been unbearable but I wont lie my daughters said I was nasty yesterday :(

happy Enrolled on Stop Smoking College's Quit Smoking Program

Member1244 enrolled on the free online quit smoking program provided by The Stop Smoking College.

They aim to kick their 20 a day habit by using the following methods:

  • Willpower only

Their reasons for quitting include:

  • More money
  • To regain control of their life
  • i just felt like 23 yrs was long enough n woke up last week n decied to quit